New Ways to Ruin

Finding new ways to ruin
Seems to be my primary concern these days.
I’m striving to be more like me —
I feel. Then I feel, and I’m unable to love anymore (or well enough).

When you’re scared of living and everything,
It’s not as easy to let go as some people say.
Sometimes, letting go takes you places you don’t want to go.
A strange country without a guide,
Where food and language is unrecognisable,
Getting fleeced by a taxi driver’s concern for profit.

Someone once said: ‘there’s a better world out there’ — but I haven’t seen it yet.
That’s why I spend so much time here
(Beneath the shadow of the high ideal),
Subsuming myself in everything I do;
Moderation just seems an awful way of living  —
If you’re going to fail, fail well.

And when the sun does come, it beats like time,
Dries and sterilises everything it gazes on.
My heart is furrowed and parched,
My senses seared and conspire against me.
All I seem to do is pick myself up in circles before I fall —
It’s about the only thing I’m good for.

© 2017 Occasional Dreams

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10 Replies to “New Ways to Ruin”

  1. This piece of writing evokes the contradiction of vividly articulated failure and self-recrimination whilst being both successful and bold! Hopefully that’s not too much hyperbole from a complete stranger! Carry on…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “That’s why I spend so much time here
    (Beneath the shadow of the high ideal),” we are toughest on ourselves aren’t we David, loved this piece very much though sadness was evident, but I do tend to like to let the sadness wash over me to have clarity, its hard being light and happy all the time, feel like I am pretending, good to know I have someone who is just as frightened of living life and of people like me. I look for ways to be less loved and hurt people I do love in the process. When will I ever reconcile oursleves with all the thoughts in the head and the feelings in the heart, there never seems to be a middle ground. Never knew you could write such beautiful poetry.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, we can be our own worse enemies at times. This was just something I needed to get out of my system. Writing poetry is not my forte so your kind praise is much appreciated!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on Singledust and commented:
    A writer who always captivates me with his stories has written poetry and I am excited to share. David writes from the heart and like me loves the words and the words love him back so much! Spend sometime and read his stories, they take to a place when dreams happen, occasional dreams but always sparkling.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love the title! Seems a fitting description for many of us. When faced with a truth or a choice we can still choose the path to ruin, come see my “Rolling The Dice”. Your statement of letting go is also right on – Letting Go is Hard! Yet, I found the line that offers the Real Truth in your poem. The one that shows you know the right choice and what you should do to change but will not let go of what? Fear? “Moderation just seems an awful way of living —
    If you’re going to fail, fail well. Even if you are afraid of riding the rollercoaster be brave and just do it. Then find the next thing you fear and do it and before too long you will find you don’t have near as many things you fear.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. I’m glad you could relate. I think as artistic people with the need to communicate, we can become too obsessed with ensuring things are conveyed perfectly. And end up just setting ourselves up for a fall.

      Like

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